It’s a rare Monday morning off from clients. I still started my day early, but decided to take it slow. I spent a good part of it lying down and looking up at the ceiling, thinking. I’m not sure about you, but that’s not something life lets happen for me anymore, or at least as often as it should. To just be still. To let your thoughts go and guide you. To contemplate without distraction. How often do we start to do this and then reach for our phone? Maybe we want to google something we thought about – which is fine – it’s great in fact. Information is power. We really ought to take advantage of the tools we have in this way. We don’t need to not know things. But what about letting yourself mull it over a bit first? Allowing yourself to form your own thoughts and opinions. To come up with your own ideas, and to ask the questions you want to know the answers to. Maybe that’s not why we reach for the phone. Maybe we are responding to something, a notification, a ding, a whistle. Or maybe we want to check on something we saw earlier. We might not even be aware that we’re doing it. We’re just grabbing for the phone mindlessly, as if it’s something we are now programmed to do, and then we click on something. All of a sudden we are in the middle of a feed and don’t really remember going there. It wasn’t even a conscience choice. Doesn’t that frighten you, even just a bit? I don’t feel as drawn to social media as I once did. I have extremely differing thoughts on the matter. I see it connect people and lift them up, but on the other hand, I see it create absolute monsters. I was one, myself, early on. I wasn’t a jerk and I wasn’t overly narcisstic, but I posted for likes. I wanted attention from someone, so I reached out to everyone. It was immediate gratification. I instantly felt accepted. I felt worthy, important, attractive even. But the way I was doing it wasn’t healthy, and it wasn’t who I wanted to be. I started asking myself what I was trying to portray, and who exactly I was doing that for. I wasn’t fond of the answers. So then I pulled away. On and off over the years, struggling with wanting to stay connected to the people in my world, but desperately wanting to maintain privacy at times, to become the person I was becoming, and to not do it in front of everyone. Because not everyone is respectful of this journey. Some people are so afraid of asking who they want to be for fear of finding out that they aren’t even close. Well, that’s how you get there, you know. You look the ugly in the eye – the ugly in yourself and in your life, and you try to change it, bit by bit, day by day. It can’t be done publicly. It won’t sustain. There are people who don’t want you to change. Maybe they are afraid of losing you and aren’t ready to grow with you yet. Protect yourself by keeping some things to yourself and for yourself.
With all that said, I’m blogging. This is where I really struggle. I want to share my stories to be helpful. I think I can be, but I also feel like I’m contributing to the problem while trying to help with a solution. How many times have you seen someone post on social media that you shouldn’t be on social media? It doesn’t mean it’s not valid, it just seems silly. But here in lies the problem. This is where the people are who need to hear it. So, I suppose this is where I start, because life truly is better when things are enjoyed in moderation.
My partner and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary of being a couple by going to our friend’s bed and breakfast for a night over the weekend. We enjoyed great company and ate amazing food. We went to antique stores we hadn’t been to before, and even made it to the beach. We celebrated each other and our love, but also life. My first thought when I considered which pictures to share with our friends and family on social media, was of the people who don’t have the opportunities that I have. It’s as if I will only allow myself a certain amount of pleasure and satisfaction, because someone out there that I love cannot, or is not experiencing the same. I’m glad I consider this. I know I won’t gloat. I won’t try and rub my happiness in, but rather remind those who love me I’m still loved. We want to see our friends and family doing well, don’t we? I do. But, I also don’t want to be made to feel like I’m missing out on something. Maybe that’s more on me than I think. Well, I do believe that’s enough about me and on this subject for today. At least it got me going again. Thanks for reading here. Now do something else! 😉
Comentários