I make it a point to focus more on the advantages of my job than the drawbacks. I have always tried to do that. This is part of the reason why I stayed too long in places I shouldn’t have. “If it isn’t good, let it die. If it doesn’t die, make it good.” - Ajahn Chah. Beautiful quote. Really only applies if you’re stuck, though, and I wasn’t actually stuck. I just felt that way, and for a while I lived that way. So now, I like to take it all into perspective. I need to make sure I'm doing the right thing.
I have a lot of reasons to be so grateful for what I do now. I have my own Personal Training business and spend most days out of the week helping people feel strong. It’s highly rewarding. I have developed relationships with some of my clients that truly make my life richer.
There are days when the job can be tough. Sure, carrying weights and kettlebells around can get tiring, but doing it also makes me stronger. I have no complaints for how much I move with my job. It’s life saving.
There are also days when the pressure of what people expect me to be as a Personal Trainer can get to me. I am on my own journey with weight loss and strength. I’m working hard to undo years of eating the wrong things, drinking too much, and not moving my body consistently enough in the ways it really needed to move, for fear of injuring it further. I suffered some back injuries in my teens and twenties that I still pay for today, only not nearly as bad because I tend to it. In all honesty, this pressure motivates me. It pushes me to push on the days I don’t feel like it.
If there’s one thing that stands out as being more challenging from time to time, it’s maintaining a certain mood with my clients during sessions. I love for them to be excited about what we’re doing, but that isn’t always the case. So, I just do my best and I leave the rest to them. I can’t grow a flower. I can only provide the best conditions for it to grow. As you can imagine, not everyone is always excited to exercise all the time. There are better days than some, and when I arrive at someone’s home and they are less chipper than usual, I have to remind myself not to take that personally. I have to remember that it is not me, nor at me. This might seem easy to some, but for me, it can be difficult. I have Depression and the way mine manifests is in self doubt. I tend to take that energy on and as though it is directed at me or because of me. I haven’t always understood this about myself. I would go through waves of not believing in myself, and depending very much on my environment, would either feel successful or not so successful. The people around me affect me. I’m much more careful with that these days. I don’t have much free time for socializing, but when I do, I do it with people who lift me up, inspire me, motivate me and support me. With that said, even these people have their days. Nobody is perfect, and resisting that causes so much suffering. If we can just do our best, always – and understand that our best doesn’t look the same each day – we can be more compassionate with each other and kinder. The world can be better.
So, what I do in these situations, is actually not always the same. Some clients might need me to coach them more, lift them up with positive affirmations and reminders of their strength. Some need me to zip it and count. And some need a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I’m here to tell you that’s life. To be successful, I don’t have to change who I am with these people, only how I communicate. It’s about me being comfortable so that I can help them feel comfortable. It’s not about them being comfortable so that I can be – because they might not be! In fact, with exercise, I’m constantly pushing people outside their comfort zone, and rightfully so. “There’s no growth in the comfort zone, and there’s no comfort in the growth zone.” Read that again. Knowing this helps me be prepared for that moment a client might be short or seem agitated. They’re pushing themselves to get stronger and that is hard.
I’m glad I know this about myself now, because on the days when I don’t feel so strong, I remind myself that I will, and I do things that make me feel like I am. The more I understand my Depression, the more I can manage it. How I eat affects it, how much I move, how much water I drink, and who I spend my time with. Did I get outside today? Did I feel the sun? Was I kind? Was I patient? Am I being a loving, supportive and present partner? The words I speak, the times I smile, and the moments I hug. All of this helps me feel strong. And the thing that makes me feel my strongest is exercise. I bike, I strength train, I walk and I stretch. I play pickle ball and tennis and Sharks & Minnows. Pretty soon I will be swimming again! The stronger I feel in any way helps me in every way. This is a big part of my story, and I thank you for reading.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, know that you are not alone. There are resources. People want to help.
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